Sleepwalking my way through life: What are you waiting for?



What are you waiting for?

The rain thunders down onto the dark road, bouncing up in flashes of yellow and white before turning into black. I walked patiently down the path, feeling the rain drum rhythmically on my head as it hissed on the ground, accompanying the solid beat of my feet. It washed over my face, running over my water logged clothes and landing in smaller drops on the pavement.

Drink up baby doll.

I breathe in the liquid air and swallow the pure refreshment. A smile creeps on my face and I slip my bag from my shoulder, gripping it tightly in my hand. My knuckles are blazing white and my fingers scream a cold numbness as they wrap around my drenched bag. Everything is so wet.

Are you in, or are you out?

I suddenly break into a run, my feet slamming into the ground and sending sparks of water from the puddles. I run faster, feeling the rain hammer into my face while the wind whips at my skin. I run faster still, swinging my arms and bag in time with my long strides. My trousers cling to my legs and my shirt is one with my soaking skin, my hair flat against my head.

Excuse me? Too busy writing your tragedies?

Cars roar by me, their blazing lights dancing over me for moments before carrying along their way. My shadow runs circles around me as I try to control my breath, willing my legs to go faster and faster. I can feel the cold seeping into my shoes as I race through another puddle; throwing a cascade of water into the air.

Let go.

I run faster.

Just let go.

I turn off the road, leaping over another puddle and landing with a twisted thud. My ankle was wrong, but I kept running. I steered my thoughts away from the pain and increased my speed, faster faster faster. My shadow passed under me, surrounded by flashes of yellow streetlight as I pounded my way below their gaze.

Jump in.

My ankle fell to the side and I twisted, falling down to the dark below. I skidded to a stop on the flooded ground, wheezing and keeping my head up in an attempt not to drown. I shakily pushed myself up on to my hands and knees, every ounce of me aching and dripping with cold rain, and threw up. I emptied myself onto the street and stood up, using a nearby lamppost to support myself.

There’s beauty in the breakdown.

I was shaking, I ached all over, I felt sick, and a trickle of blood was being washed away from a cut in my hand. It was as if I was coming down – having withdrawal symptoms from some wonderful drug. It hurt to breathe, every gasp feeling as though it would burst my lungs. But I smiled.

Let go.

The sickness was already being washed away, being carried down a drain where it was lost forever. I wiped my mouth and smiled. I am alive, my screaming pain can testify to that, and I am happy. My bag was drenched like I was, and I picked it up with my frozen hands and limped the rest of the way home.

It’s so amazing here.

I was almost sure I would take off this time.
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2 Comments:

At 7:26 am, Anonymous youngred said...

jack likes this song

 
At 4:00 pm, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Cream said...

<3 Imogen Heap <3 You just made me love this song even more. Thank you.

 

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