Sleepwalking my way through life: S&M



S&M

There’s a soft swishing of metal against metal, the light glinting off the bright silver blade. It twirled around my finger, spinning elegantly and slicing through the air with no effort at all. My other hand was on the table, feeling the cool smooth surface under my palm. Without thinking, with no logic or hesitation, I brought the scissors down in a decisive swipe. It slid into my hand, stopping at the bone and shuddering with force. Blood ran out of the base of the metal, blooming over the back of my hand like a rose before flowing over the edge in little rivers. I kept my hand as flat as possible on the table, focusing on the cold top rather than the burning wound. I smiled a forced smile, my mouth trying to twitch itself into a grimace.

Keep smiling, just keep smiling you fucking bastard. Put yourself all the way through this. You are better than this. Face the fucking facts, and smile like there is no tomorrow.

I pull the scissors out, making a sickening squelch as drops of blood and flesh fell about my hand. The perfect silver is now bloodied, the shine now turned into a deep red glisten. Hot blood drops everywhere, and I keep on smiling.

I keep on smiling.
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