Sleepwalking my way through life: XXX



XXX

On a side note, this post is probably not safe for work or for children.

“So… What one do you want?”

The DVDs were lined up in neat little rows in front of us, shining diligently in the light. I was standing with a Certain Friend, looking at each DVD case in turn and trying to pick out a good birthday present. “I’m not too sure…” she replied, her head cocked to one side.

I picked up one and looked at the front cover, examining the display of a man and a woman in doggy style over another man and women – all of them astoundingly naked. “Look, I’ll get you one. Honestly, I will. Just, tell me which one you want.”

“Well, you can’t go wrong with Anal.” A shop assistant chimed in.

The Certain Friend had pulled me into Ann Summers so I could buy her underwear for her up-and-coming eighteenth birthday. We walked up and down the aisles, looking at the various corsets, suspenders and the teeny tiny g-strings (my imagination running wild at each new undergarment I witnessed) before we decided to wander into the back row and take a gander at the ‘unmentionables’.

And thus we stood, amongst Rampant Rabbits and a few dozen kinds of lubricant, trying to figure out what porn DVD to buy. From “Real life Dogging” to “Extreme Wife Swap” and a few dozen in between, including a rather appealing cover involving two topless women. We were spoilt for choice, and one of the assistants roaming around decided to help us out.

“Personally, I’m not one for porn,” she confided, “it just gets boring after a while. I’m for a more… hands on approach.” She waved a buzzing vibrator happily in front of us. The Certain Friend giggled as her eyes followed the penis shaped ornament through the air. I laughed nervously as the assistant waved it under my nose. “Are you wearing an under-wired bra?” She asked the certain friend.

“Uhh… Yeah.”

The assistant pressed it against the under-wired and the Certain Friend laughed with pleasure. “It’s great isn’t it? Really gets to your nipples. It probably won’t work on him though.” She said, pushing the vibrator against my chest.

“I won’t say that it’s not unpleasurable…” I admitted, smirking a little.

For the next half an hour we were taken on a tour round the sex-toy department, hearing the pros and cons of some of their top model; especially the newest of the, famous, Rampant Rabbits.

“Now, see these little buds round the heads?” she indicated the bumps on the (what I can only call) head of the vibrator. “These are amazing. By the time you get this all the way in there and the rabbit meets your clitoris, you’re already in multi-orgasmic territory.” The Certain Friend and I gazed in awe at the pleasure inducing dots. “Though,” the assistant continued, “I’m not allowed to sell you that. We’re only allowed to sell this one to more… experienced vibrator users. It’s kind of embarrassing though, asking people how many vibrators they’ve had.”

“You know, I’m actually quite jealous.” I said. “You girls get all this stuff to play with, and the only variant I get is righty or lefty…”

“Well, most of these items can be used bi-sexually.” The assistant told me, with what I could swear was a wink.

After much discussion, we decided that the “Clit Travel Kit” was the best option for an eighteenth birthday present. It is very easy to use for beginners, and with its five interchangeable heads it guarantees hours of fun. I held it discreetly at my side as the assistant excitedly ushered us over to another section, this one filled with bottles of various potions.

“Hold out your hand.” She ordered me. I held it out and she took a bottle of shining gold gel and squeezed some onto the back of my hand. “Lick it.” She told me, biting her lip slightly as she said it. I tentatively licked some of the sparkling glob before quickly lapping it up. It was delicious. It seemed like the kind of thing you’d use to cover ice cream. The Certain Friend had some too, and her eyes lit up at the taste.

“Oh oh oh!” The assistant exclaimed. “This is also a personal favourite of mine.” She held up a small bottle filled with pink liquid, the label showing “Strawberry and Champagne Dick Lick”. “Don’t blame me for the name, but trust me, it’s delicious.” She made a sideward glance at me, “And if you use it with him along with that travel kit against your cheek, you’ll both have one hell of a time.”

We laughed, and the Certain Friend clung on to my arm, neither of us wanting to correct the nice assistant who was introducing us to a variety of fantasy-worthy things. We decided on the Strawberries and Champagne Dick Lick and bought it along with the travel kit. I slipped the bright red Ann Summers bag into my own bag, hidden amongst my notebooks and various pens. I sat in my lecture with a secret smile at the contents of my bag.

I think that the Certain Friend will have a very happy birthday indeed…
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5 Comments:

At 3:59 pm, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Cream said...

o_0!!!oneoneone!

(happy birthday to the certain friend!)

 
At 1:51 am, Anonymous Indranil said...

Wow! A very pleasant shopping experience indeed!! ROFL!!!

Happy birthday to the Certain Friend, though I'm sure she's sure to have one ;)

 
At 2:38 pm, Anonymous Marie said...

On the other hand you could have just got her a card....

 
At 3:19 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Ah, but a card would make for a far less interesting Blog entry.

- Joe

 
At 5:14 am, Anonymous emzi said...

hehe this made me laugh, Gargh wish someone would take me to a sex shop haha! great blog loike x

 

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