Sleepwalking my way through life: Sleep deprived musings



Sleep deprived musings

Lecture, tutorial, lunch, tutorial, lecture, run for train, work, sleep, lecture, tutorial, lunch, tutorial, lecture…

And it goes on; in a sudden and unexpected twist, it seems that this university student is becoming a tad overwhelmed. Although university is turning into the experience I had always imagined it to be, I find myself with little or no time to do anything. If I’m not in lectures, I’m in a compulsory tutorial. If I’m not in tutorials, I’m usually eating or trying my hardest to finish another chapter before another lecture rolls around. And if I’m not eating, reading, or running between buildings, I’m at work; whiling the hours away in front of a task that is so boring that it actually boggles the mind.

Not to mention, between all these busy and exciting activities, I have very little time to blog – which I am beginning to resent. It pains me to see that I have not updated in more than three days; I can almost see the cobwebs forming in the corners and weaving their way round my words (if you see any spelling mistakes, you can rest assured that it is not me but it is the thick cobwebs that are fooling your eyes).

And so I sacrifice sleep to write this. Sleep is a very valuable commodity, seeing how I have to wake at half past seven in the morning, and I usually spend it very wisely. Ten minutes for a shower, five minutes to read up on politics, maybe fifteen on psychology (it is much more interesting and therefore deserved of the extra ten minutes), and this is the first time I have splurged half an hour on one topic.

I met up with Marie today. It was the first we had talked properly in a month, and I actually felt surprised that we didn’t argue. We sat in Starbucks and I wolfed down a sandwich while we caught up on the basic things. We talked and laughed and sat in thoughtful silence, all the while my head was trying to make sense of very confusing things.

I am unsure of my feelings towards the situation at hand. I could pin it down to being a teenager and blame it on the blatant mood swings I experience – but there’s a part of me that’s nagging away and saying it’s not. To say I miss her is an understatement, but it’s how I’m missing her that confuses me. Do I miss her as a girlfriend, or a friend? When we sat and talked, I had no urge to kiss her or hold her hand – and I couldn’t feel anything especially sexual about it, but when I hugged her goodbye and when she smiled that smile at me I felt this pang of regret of a thing that is now lost. And that was it. I thoroughly enjoyed her company, and everything else was mostly said on good terms.

I feel slightly restricted right now; as if revealing my emotions will show me as weak and (god forbid) a pussy. I miss her, and that’s not even the half of it, but I’m trying my very best to move on. It’s hard.

But now, thanks to the repaid seventy pounds that Marie owed me, I can go out with Jack and drown my thoughts in his whiskey goodness.
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1 Comments:

At 11:05 am, Anonymous youngred said...

what a great final line. ; )


good luck with uni, you'll get used to it

 

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