Sleepwalking my way through life: From red roses to white rabbits



From red roses to white rabbits

Check out my new story; From red roses to white rabbits.

This story is dedicated to Laura, as two very belated birthday presents.

This story first began last year when I shamefully missed Laura’s seventeenth birthday. I told her I would write a story for her, and commanded her to give me three words to base the story around.

“Bunnies, red, and roses.”

I set off writing right away, scribbling notes on the train to and fro work. I watched people commute to work all around me, and I picked up ideas from as many of them as I could. Notes were made, but as soon as school started up again I forgot about it; the notebook lost amongst the dozens of leafs of papers that littered under my bed.

Her birthday rolled round again, and I was compelled to begin writing on it some more. I had no spark of inspiration though. I have a few stories going down on paper, but none of them seemed to fit the description she gave me.

And then on the way home from university, as I watched three girls talk on the train, I had a glint of inspiration – one that had nothing to do with my muse – and began writing immediately. A week later, my work was done.

Enjoy.
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3 Comments:

At 5:32 pm, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Cream said...

I've already told you what I think about your story, but I wanted to say it here anyway: I <3 the story. Missed a bit more "girl" thoughts, but you know that.

hugs.

 
At 9:45 pm, Anonymous Von Sex Bot said...

I'm not a fan.

The characterisation was very cliche and as for the personalities, I don't believe them. It's not they're evil people, they're more insecure than even the fatest kid and the nastiness conveyed here is a very powerful shield. One you apparently don't understand because you portray it as evil for evil's sake - that's just not the case.

This was wrtten (obviously) from an outsider's perspective and thus biased. It would've been cool to see a point of view from one of the girls activley taking part in the mocking and how she's on automatic as Miss Nasty.

And your metaphor has a very TV feel. Be more obscure next time.

-VSB

 
At 1:06 am, Anonymous Joe said...

That's not the point of the story; the focus is on Abbey, and Abbey is an outsider to these girls. She doesn't know what these girls are really like - insecurities and all. This isn't their story, it's hers and it's her corruption.
I'll admit, the story isn't the best and i did switch styles midway through (which has caused a few problems), but I wasn't looking into the minds and lives of the two unnamed girls. Another point of view may have been more interesting, but it wasn't Abbey's point of view.
And yeah, the metaphor at the end is kinda obvious. I'll be less obvious next time.

- Joe

 

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