Sleepwalking my way through life: Time for some closure

Time for some closure

Happy Five Hundred posts Little Research Monkey Boy.

I look at my watch and let out a sigh. My eyes follow the second hand as it twitches round the clock face, counting the day away. It strikes me as odd that I can remember exactly what I was doing a year ago at this time. I was walking up to the cinema in Glasgow. There were so many people in town that day; the sun was shining warmly despite it being early September. I laughed at another joke, and turn to look at-

Fuck, ah fuck it hurts. My mind snaps back into action and I busy myself with my game, trying my best to become absorbed in saving the Earth. I need to concentrate and focus on the game; otherwise I’ll find myself plummeting to certain darkness. I jump into a room and fire off a few rounds, but my reaction time is slow and the screen jitters before turning red.

We had walked for an hour, but it seemed like ten minutes. My legs hurt like hell, so we wandered over to George Square and sat down on the edge. Busses and cars roared by, but I could barely hear them over the thudding in my chest. A breeze blew by and she shivered. I smiled and inched closer to her, wrapping my arms around her shoulder. I’m not very good at this, I whispered. And I kis-

Mum decided to take me out and look around flats in the area of the train station, to see if there was anywhere in particular that Chris and I would like to live. The sun was warm but the breeze was cold. It put my hands in my pockets and blew leaves about my feet. The flats were not really my taste. I look at my watch again.

The train was there, right there and I did not want to leave. It was still warm and people walked here and there as they moved on and off trains. I was smiling. I was smiling a smile that I meant for the first time in months. She was smiling too.

Strangely enough, it is only now that I realise that it is over. A year after it all began; it hits me with a deadly blow. I called her earlier tonight. We sat and talked for the best part of an hour, but we ended up with nothing to say. I hung up the phone, and I was so angry with her. I was furious at her inability to say anything at all on this day. But I stopped, I laughed, and I threw up. I could not say anything either. I wanted to say something, but everything had already been said.

And so I laugh and wave goodbye to another chapter of my life. The best fucking chapter so far, if I don’t say so myself.
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At 9:26 am, Anonymous Jules said...

Happy five hundred posts :)

At 10:35 pm, Anonymous Jeanie said...

Closure. An explination to make you feel okay about a situation. i know we can all move on to someone else and eventually slowly forget about that "someone", but do we ever totally understand what happened? It's hard to. Even harder when you love that person so much that you don't know what to do with yourself, even now for me 3 months later. I heard that it takes half the time that you dated for you to move on.... I don't think that is a complete fact. I think its depends on how much you loved someone.... I am glad that you have found some sense of closure to where you realize that its really over.... i deal with that every day when I don't talk to him. I am sure... it will get easier.... for the both of us...or all of us in this situation....

sorry so long.

At 5:58 pm, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Crem said...

*sends cake and confetti*

Lots of love!


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