Sleepwalking my way through life: Not the good kind of wasted



Not the good kind of wasted

Check out my new story; Justice served.

And another wasted weekend has passed. Soon the clock will roll over to Monday where I will sleep the day away until I feel bad enough and decide to do something. I will trudge downstairs and sit with my Lapdancer and listening to the TV chorusing in the background. Eventually I will make an effort and get something to eat, where I decide between a thirty minute wait for chicken or a two minute wait for Pot Noodle.

Pot Noodle wins hands down and I slump into my couch and convince myself that my day isn’t being wasted while I stare mindlessly at Two and a Half Men. Time ticks on and I stare at my languidly as I decide whether to walk to work or call up a taxi. This, I am sad to say, is the most difficult decision of my day.

I arrive at work early and sit at a table by myself. My pen scribbles away some notes on a small notebook; taking down ideas and events that I could write about later. At five we all stand up and shuffle to our desks where I spend the next four and a half hours being bored, being insulted, insulting people and laughing at mindless chatter. At half past nine I pack up my bag and walk home in the cold dark. I hurry, but I don’t know why.

Back home I retreat upstairs with a glass of coke and a snack. I sit on my bed and browse the internet in the hopes to find something entertaining. I have hollow conversations with people on MSN and stay up to the wee hours of the morning just because I can. I refresh pages, read random sites and, eventually, go to sleep. The next day I wake up, and the cycle starts over again.

When did this happen? When I did I become this meaningless slob? I hear the summer exploits of some of my former best friends and my gut rumbles with jealously. While some people were out with friends and having a good time, I was doing nothing. I was on my fucking computer.

It has been worse ever since Marie left; now even my Saturdays have succumbed to the depressive lack of movement. I wistfully neglect my bookmarked cinema listings and hastily click on webcomics and blogs instead. Since I am now in a very ambiguous friendship with Marie, I hardly ever go out with her. I hardly talk with her, and when I do it’s usually filled with pleasantries and general conversation. I feel like I’ve been placed on the back shelf in her life and plastered with the label “occasional annoyance” as she lives her own life, without me in sight. I, however, am still trying to climb out of my hole of wallowing and self pity.

I feel that, with the expulsion of this little rant here, I should jump into action and call up some friends to organise a get-together where we can talk and laugh and I’m not alone; but I’m not going to. I am going to nurse this god awful feeling in my gut as I choke down another ten second meal, watch That 70’s Show and wonder when university will start.
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2 Comments:

At 1:26 am, Anonymous Mary said...

hey chick! saw this on tpom and thought id have a little nosy. loved ur last blog, especially as i cood totally relate. I feel like i have all this time, which i think is natural when sum1 has been such a big part of ur life. however i cant sit about as i actually wood go insane so i fill it with other meaningless stuff that i reely coodnt give two shits about but act as tho i do- just to fill the time until i need to sleep again. i keep waiting for the day ill b excited to get out of bed and look forward to the rest of the day...

let's just hope its not that long for either of us..chin up! wot else can u do? lv meX

 
At 10:07 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

What else can we do? We can give up all hope. Joke.

Keep on smiling, and everything will turn out ok eventually. =]

- Joe

 

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