Sleepwalking my way through life: Joe's big day out

Joe's big day out

The train lurched forward and I tucked my leg in as another drunken man stumbled down the aisle. At the end of the carriage he tripped and fell into the group he was with, and we laughed heartily as he tried to pull himself up. I was sitting at a table with Jeff beside me and Owen with his girlfriend, Sarah, opposite. I had met Owen a few times before, but this was the first time I met Sarah. She was a stunning girl with a fantastic smile and bright eyes. They were the type of couple who went perfectly together – and it would be easy to hate them both if they weren’t so nice.

After an hour and a half of arguments on why I should go, Jeff convinced me to come with them. We were going to go to the Glasgow Union, and the plan was to become as rat arsed as possible. From the beginning I was sure that I wouldn’t drink. At most, I would have one or two JD and cokes, but I would remain sober and clear headed throughout the night.

Well, you can tell right now that that did not happen.

The bars were immensely busy, with people clamouring and nudging to get a hand on the drink soaked wood. It took us at least twenty minutes to get the first round; Owen bought us two Aftershocks each (Red and Silver) and I got a double JD and coke. We shuffled off to the side, and I downed the two Aftershocks, feeling the syrup-like drink run down the back of my throat and scorching away my taste buds. After a minute or two of coughing my lungs out, I drank down my JD merrily – not being able to taste it at all has its advantages.

We moved from bar to bar, upstairs, downstairs, the basement; holding hands to stay together through the laughing crowds. Drink after drink was consumed (Black Aftershocks are an experience in themselves) and I felt light headed, and incredibly dizzy. The ground was wet with to many spilled drinks, and I slid to and fro in a pseudo moon-walk whilst laughing at another joke Owen told. Every time I moved my head, I felt as if I was going to topple over and land on the ground with a hilarious thud; but somehow I managed to keep my balance for the entire night.

Everything was so much easier to say, and everything seemed possible. It just felt so good to be in the middle of a blue room, dancing with a stranger to Bon Jovi. It felt fun to have a discussion about how Sarah was way too attractive to take out (as evident by the constant string of guys hitting on her). It felt funny to explain how I was actually going to Strathclyde University instead, and how I was almost like a spy. I was having fun. Everything was nice and happy. I had drowned whatever sorrows I was feeling and was laughing the night away.

It was at three am that things started turning around. My legs could barely support me, and my head felt extremely heavy. I sat by the cold breeze of the window ledge and tried to compose myself, but my head felt heavier and heavier, and my eyes began to close. I fell asleep for about a minute before a fellow patron shook me awake and directed a glass of water into my hand. I drunk it down greedily, trying to wake myself up to enjoy the rest of the night. I stumbled over to where the other three were talking and tried to join in the conversation whilst hanging off the bar. I stared at them, blinking a few times, before;

“I think I might go home now.”

Jeff looked at me, her eyes wide with shock. “Why? What’s up? You can’t leave now.”

I was going to answer her, I was going to give her an epic speech of how much fun I had had, and how I was now feeling tired so I should retreat to my humble abode where I will sleep the rest of the amazing night away. But I didn’t. Instead, I lifted my finger, covered my mouth, and walked as fast as I could out of the bar.

There were no toilets on that floor. Fuck fuck fuck, get upstairs, less chance of you falling down them. Fuck, when were these so high? Shit shit shit shi- oh, nice girl with short skirt! Hello nice girl with short skirt, I was in the middle of something and now… Oh yeah. Fuck fuck fuck toilet need to get to it NOW. So many fucking doors.

The cubicles were full, so I ended up emptying myself in one of the urinals. It was horrible and black, as if I was throwing up an oil rig, and I had to step back in case I got splash back on my shoes. After roughly thirty seconds of throwing up, I felt fine. I was on top of a spinning world again and could take on anyone and anything. Owen came up to make sure I was ok, directing me to clear up and pace myself when drinking from now on. I smiled and followed him downstairs again, to rejoin the fun.

At five am we decided to leave. The original plan was to stay right through until morning, where we would get a complimentary breakfast and massage, courtesy of the union, but Sarah needed to work in the morning, and even I was going through another bout of tiredness. So we called a taxi and walked down to the Byars Road and wait for it. The wind was cold, so I donated my leather jacket to Sarah, who was only wearing a low cut top (and they say chivalry is dead). Unfortunately, the taxi didn’t arrive for another hour and, as a result, I now have quite a bad cold, but gentlemanly actions are more important than health.

The taxi ride was quite, with Sarah and Jeff sleeping in the back beside me and Owen dozing in the front. Mr Blue Sky by ELO came on and I sung along while I gazed at the dark orange sky out front. I was sober now, and already laughing at myself for what I said mere hours previously. The taxi pulled up at my house, and I sneaked in quietly before sinking into my bed – asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I had an amazing night, and it has convinced me of the merits of being one of the drunken crowds for once; instead of being the sober guy aloof them all, I was with them, laughing and drinking and dancing. Heartfelt discussions with almost strangers, with pity and jokes thrown into the mix, not to mention the constant stream of shots.

Yeah, I had fun.
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At 1:11 am, Anonymous Chris said...

One of us! One of us!

- Chris

At 3:06 am, Anonymous young red said...

jack lives here ;)

At 3:20 pm, Anonymous Jules said...

I await the girl-beast.


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