Sleepwalking my way through life: It's over

It's over

I slung my bag over my shoulder and started down the long walk down the corridor. I stared blankly ahead, ignoring the pain in my chest and trying not to smell the mixture of computer and stale sweat. The luminous lights on the ceiling hurt my eyes, but outside, with the pitch black cold, was not much better and I quickened my pace to lessen my journey home. My manager came out of one the cubicles and smiled at me as she walked in the other direction.

“Night Joe.” She said.

“Night.” I replied.

I heard her stop behind me, but I continued on without looking back. “Cheer up!” she told me, “There’s plenty of things to smile about.”

I gave myself a flicker of a wry smile. “I’m almost out of here. I’ll smile when I get out of this place.” I said to her, still walking on and looking intently ahead. She said something in reply, but I couldn’t hear her over the buzz of the office and the thud of my feet. I walked out the double doors, stepped quickly down the stairs and walked out of the hissing automatic door. I walked out into the night and walked home with a heavy head and the full knowledge that I had lied to my manager.

And so I sat, staring blankly ahead and daring for the inevitable to happen while my earphones blast music that I (ironically) hope to deafen me. I sat strong and stared ahead as the dark thoughts returned and slowly inched their way into reality. My mind thought back to the phone call earlier before flicking to and fro over memories of the past year. I physically shook and gripped my knees in a futile attempt to steady myself.

Marie called me up and broke up with me. She wanted different things and was unhappy in the relationship. As simple and as complicated as that.

It’s for the best, and it’s the right thing to happen, I tell myself. But why did it have to happen?

And the funniest thing about the whole situation right now? It’s 3am.

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At 5:16 am, Anonymous Bekka said...

I doubt there's much I can say to chin you up. I'm sure you've heard it all, but I wish you the best. There are other girls, and as much as it hurts try to focus on the good your relationship did do, to both of you.

I'm beaming hugs at you from California. :)

At 9:46 am, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Cream said...

Dear Joe,

Im so sorry. If you want to empty your brain, I'm just an email away. I hope you won't feel too bad for long. Just look at me, you're my HERO!!

Love, Elisabeth

At 11:49 am, Anonymous Jules said...



At 11:58 am, Anonymous Kiwiqueen said...

:-( It gets better, I've heard. Don't know whether that's true, but I'll cross my fingers for you.

At 1:09 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

Don't worry mate, Kiwi is right - it does get better, but you just have to ride out the tough stuff first.
Then you get to the exciting bits again :D

(People are going to say this time and time again, but I think I will say it anyway) If she was unhappy in the relationship then it woul dhave gone stale and you would have ended up completely hating each other - thats bad.

*manly hug*

At 3:46 am, Anonymous Vana said...

I'm sorry.
I understand now why you were less than okay.

At 12:35 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Thanks for the words guys. It does mean a lot to me.

- Joe


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