Sleepwalking my way through life: The truth of the matter



The truth of the matter

I have the physical sensation of sinking. No metaphors, no imagery of boats and sailors and misguided life rafts, I am actually sinking. It’s as if the couch is going to slide further in and swallow me whole, or as if I am being pulled down to the ground where gravity will keep me pinned in my unmoving hell.

This feeling almost has a ‘back-in-the-day’ quality, back to when I was younger and I would wallow in self pity for nothing in particular. And I am doing it again, drowning in my self-created pity. I don’t want to get up in the morning and I fear to go to sleep where the dark thoughts swirl around me and strike me again and again and again.

I hate this feeling. I hate wanting to fall to my knees and erupt in a soul exploding yell; I hate starving myself because it’s easier than standing up; I hate feeling almost numb to everything around me. I HATE sounding emo.

There’s this gut wrenching feeling inside me, as if a little animal is crawling round my intestines and is tugging greedily with its claws, ready to sink its teeth into my already chewed organs.

Fuck me, this sucks.
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3 Comments:

At 5:05 pm, Anonymous Kiwiqueen said...

That DOES suck. I think you need cheering up. I would send you a "feel happier" cake, but it would probably squash in the post.

Smile!


Actually, someone telling me to "smile" when I'm quite clearly not in the mood to smile annoys me, so don't feel the need to smile now, just because i told you to. You don't have to smile.


But you SHOULD eat. Eat!

 
At 6:27 pm, Anonymous Jules said...

I do not approve of random emo-ness inflicting Joe. :[

 
At 8:07 pm, Anonymous Metal Head said...

Listen to some soul-soaring kick ass metal. You won't be able to do anything but get up and hit something.

A 'hell yeah' kind of hit, no a 'aww shit' kind.


-MH

 

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