Sleepwalking my way through life: OMGWTFBBQ


My Life As A Bitch - Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Charming and Honest!
Tue, 13/06/2006 - 18:19 by JoziJozi

Hi everyone

Kissthis is my very first blog in which i am gonna start a kinda diary. Mi friends nd family are the most important things in the world 2 me. i recently got back 2gether with my boyf who I ADORE AND WHO LOVES ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!! I CALL HIM EVERY DAY TO SEE WHATS UP WITH HIM!!!! I was adopted by mi mums new husband who mi and mi sis now call dad coz he woz SO much betta than mi blood rel8d dad who iz such a w****r and i h8 hiz guts! but id rather nt tlk bout tht. i hardly c mi uncle coz he lives so far away in a town tht i dnt know the name ov.

i wanna tell u bout wht happened on saturday 10th. i woz at mi m8z sis's parti. my ex woz there nd whn a slow dance came on nd mi m8 natalie dragged my ex DJ on2 da dancefloor for the slow dance coz she app fanCs him nd i went outside 2 get some air nd he came out after me nd tld me tht afta we split up he missed me so much. i tld him i missed him 2 nd we kissed nd mi other m8 helen came out nd saw us nd woz all spaztic. we went bac in nd natalie asked if she cud hav a quiet word wiv me nd i said ok. so we went outside nd she tld me tht afta we split up loads of ppl were at a m8z house nd he woz app all ova her. i tld her i didnt believe her coz he tld me he wudnt go out wiv her even if she woz da last girl on earth. also my m8 helen tld me tht he iz just usein me coz he DOES fanC natalie. i hav bin crying all day nd i h8 them. i dnt know who 2 believe and i am gonna ask DJ 2moz. but i feel like live isnt worth living nd i just wanna loose the will 2 live. plz e-mail me agt ****_*** to giv me advice coz i feel like im at the end ov mi line. Kiss

Kiss Love u all Kiss


My jaw physically dropped when I read this. I finger hovered over the touch pad in horror, not wanting to read any further than the first line, yet I was compelled to. I read line after line of this horrendous writing, plaguing the internet with its disregard for the English language. It was as if I was watching someone raping the dictionary.

I had clicked on to this blog after reading another one similar to it, hoping that my senses would be less offended than before. I realised my terrible mistake when I stumbled across this blog. Of course, I had to reply to it. I had to take up the flag and start a jihad in the name of the dictionary.

“Hiya Jozi! I read about your problem and oMg! How could he do that! I mean, if he kissed her then that is totally way wrong! I mean, you guys were broken up right? He should totally have known that he shouldn’t have kissed her! She is such a biatch! You should just 4get them both gurl!
But what about your bf? Whatdoes he think about all dis? Does he think that you’re a cheating cow that doesn’t speak English?

Stop plaguing the internet with rubbish and read a dictionary. Or if you want to kill yourself, then club your head with one. A thick one. Then at least it’ll be getting it’s revenge.

Love and kisses, -Joe”

If she chooses the latter option, the world will be a better place.
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At 5:04 pm, Anonymous HM said...


I also hate people who I.M and text like that. Sure.. it's quicker, but it also makes you look stupid.

At 5:27 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

I often look at MSN Histories from conversations with my best friend and think "wow... I 'talk' a load more that she does...". It actually turns out she just uses "u" for "you" and the rest so it looks like she 'ses' less.

Blogging and texting like that is fine and dandy, culprits should only have their index fingers removed for it. Those people who suddenly revert to text talk when rushing in exams should die however. Read American Psycho; that is how they should die (seriously disturbing)...

At 5:29 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

*reads again*

"i feel like live isnt worth living"

Oh dear.

At 6:06 pm, Anonymous Jules said...

Wow, reading that took so much effort.

At 7:33 pm, Anonymous Elisabeth said...

I hade to turn my brain up-side-downe and flipp thru my oxford english dictionary to understand that. My mind is now like this:

+++ Error Error out of Cheese Error ++

That's what I call polluting the language.

At 9:45 pm, Anonymous Kiwiqueen said...

MY live is no longer worth living after that. My brain feels like it's gone through a mangler, and come out stamped "kiss kiss".

At 10:22 pm, Anonymous Dan said...

I found her quite riveting actually.

At 10:23 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

Don't take offence Dan, but you're a wierdo.


At 3:11 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

A little part of me dies when I read a blog like that.

And MH, where's the comment section on your blog?


At 4:55 pm, Anonymous HM said...

It doesn't exist, Eoj.


At 11:07 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Fair enough, I shall read silently then....



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