Sleepwalking my way through life: Baking thoughts

Baking thoughts

I like sitting in the back garden when it’s sunny. I sit back, relaxed in the comforting heat while squinting at the screen of my Lapdancer due to the light. Pleasant music flows out of my speakers and leaves me contemplative as I squash another bug under my palm.

If I look over my fence I can see a good distance away, so far away that the windows on houses look like pinholes on a poster. When the breezes swirls through the air and sifts through the trees it moves some branches out of the way, revealing a window on the far horizon that is looking directly at me, face on with my gaze with an almost peering look.

I wonder if there is someone looking through that window, trying to figure out the tiny, blurred figure in the distance that keeps moving a large shiny thing to get it in a good position to see the bloody screen. And I wonder if they turn round and kiss their partner, giving them a quick smack on the ass before they return to the TV.

At work I deal with hundreds of people a night, couples and singletons that claim tax credits and have problems filling out forms. I wonder; what are their lives like? Do they have kids, family, pets? Do they write in blogs? It makes me feel insignificant to realise that there are so many people in the world, and I am only one six billionth of them.

Yet I am important. Well, maybe it’s my ego talking, but I feel that I am important. If I wasn’t here then Miss D Swan would be receiving the wrong amount of tax credits, these bugs would have no one to kill them, and that guy looking out of his window would have nothing to ponder at.

Like I said, I like sitting in the back garden when it’s sunny.
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At 4:24 pm, Anonymous Kiwiqueen said...

I'm sure the bugs do not necessarily want to be squished under your hand. Unless they are suicidal bugs.

At 4:29 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Ah, but you fail to take into account the story of bugs. It is well and possible that all the bugs that fly my way have killed many other bugs and is due an execution, or that they are on their way to kill more bugs. It's this random probability that keeps my conscience clear when terminating the flying pests.


At 4:59 pm, Anonymous HM said...

Is that a part-time job?

At 12:47 am, Anonymous Bekka said...

You forgot one-- your insane cult-followers would have no one to worship.

At 11:40 am, Anonymous Joe said...

HM - It's a temp job over the summer so far, but I might get it extended. I have to be there from 5 to half 9, so I don't know whether to call it part time or not.

Bekka - I do apologise! I completely forgot about my cult! I shall have a freshly born lamb ready for the sacred temple post haste!


At 1:33 pm, Anonymous wendy said...


just kinda chanced upon your blog.

but anyway,
"As funny as an athiest with cancer."

you mean atheist?

hmm, but still, kinda admire you for your command of the english langauge. really motivates me to work harder on improving myself.
Geez, have a great day ahead! ;D

At 3:14 pm, Anonymous notwendy said...

Ha. Burn.

At 4:01 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Hey, I don't mind typos, nor one or two mis-spellings, but I draw the line at the four horsemen of the grammar apocolypse.



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