Sleepwalking my way through life: Sarcasm and children do not mix well



Sarcasm and children do not mix well

“So what do you think of this one?” I asked, pointing to the new theme I had just installed on Firefox. After two years using Mozilla I had just discovered that I could fiddle with the themes for it, and was currently trying out a sleek, black look.

“I don’t like it,” Jessica – my little cousin – replied, not really looking at the screen, “it’s too dark.” She had been dumped on us for the weekend while my aunt and uncle went off on some romantic spa deal. I cursed the fact that I now had a hyperactive six year old to accompany my studying, yet I thanked my lucky stars that her sister wasn’t with her. The two combined create a similar compound to combining Sulphur and two parts Oxygen.

“What do you know?” I said, changing the theme to a crystalline style.

“I know that one plus one is two.” She said blandly, playing with my earphones.

I let out a small sigh, “A common misconception.”

Her voice perked up a bit with interest. “What do you mean?”

“One plus one is actually three. They got it wrong all those years ago, and everybody keeps making the same mistake every time.” I told her factually.

She sat up and looked at me, holding the couch pillow on her lap. “That isn’t true! How is it?”

“Oh, there’s all these complicated equations linked to it.”

“What are they?” She asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

She was catching on to me, I had to think quickly. “Chris knows them. And besides, you wouldn’t understand it.”

“Oh.”

She seemed to buy it and I suppressed my grin. She looked over my shoulder as I picked another theme and analysed it against my favourite pages. Making sure it didn’t look too weird or anything.

“How long have you and Chris been brothers for?” She asked, as if the question was as normal as asking about the weather. I paused for a moment before returning to the Lapdancer.

“Only for a couple of years now,” I said to her, “we used to be friends that really didn’t like each other, but we disliked each other so much that we decided to be brothers. Best day of my life.”

There was a slight pause before the pillow was smashed into my face. I was taken by surprise and so received both an eye and mouthful of wonderful pillow as it connected with my unshielded face. I coughed and spluttered as I looked towards my cousin, the pillow in her hand and a beaming smile on her face.

“You’re a liar.”
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14 Comments:

At 5:04 pm, Anonymous lamb chop said...

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a black Mozilla theme! But I'll admit that it's kind of sad that I chose it simply because it looked so good with my blog...

What can I say? Blogger owns me.

 
At 5:28 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Oh. I never thought it possible that my blog could look any better... It goes perfectly with BlueShift...

*melts*

-Joe

 
At 9:06 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

How about 0.99 = 1.

That is true.

 
At 3:29 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Madness Eddmun! Madness!

How can 0.99999999 be 0.999999999 and 1 at the same time!?

Didn't your mother ever teach you not to play with infinity?

-Joe

 
At 3:43 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

Right... Here goes...

1/3 = 0.33r
2/3 = 0.66r
3/3 = 0.99r

However, 3 thirds is a also a whole. Which is one.

3/3 = 0.99r = 1

Get it?

 
At 3:47 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

The proof that Maths is not the perfect entity that many believe it is...

It boggles the mind!


-Joe

 
At 5:03 pm, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Cream said...

I still like the easy one:

12345678 + 87654321 = 99999999

 
At 5:10 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Still not as good as the amazing number that is 5318008.

So many fun days in maths.

-Joe

 
At 5:17 pm, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Cream said...

I hate math. But thats because I got the mathematic form of dyslexia.

 
At 9:22 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

It is called Discalcula I think...

 
At 10:13 pm, Anonymous Meredith said...

That may just be the best story about lying (excuse me, embellishing on the truth) that I've ever read. I like little kids because of their frank assessments of things, e.g. "You're a liar." It's so brilliant and simple!

 
At 10:34 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

I think it is called Discalcula.

 
At 10:34 pm, Anonymous eddmun said...

Woah... I posted that twice. Woops... damned cache.

 
At 10:21 am, Anonymous Elisabeth Ice Cream said...

Discalcula.
!!!!!
Thank you!!!!!!!!

 

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