Sleepwalking my way through life: "I remember"



"I remember"

Friday again.

I was typing a nice big post about the problems with my room and stuff like that, but I really don't feel like it anymore.

Have you ever read or seen something so powerful that it changes the way you think?

There was something I read not too long ago. It was a really disturbing thing to see, but at the same time it was just so damn powerful. I read it and all these things ran through my head. I remember when I used to think about killing myself, just ending all the shit that was going on in my life. I remember the absolute hopelessness I'd feel when waking up in the morning and I remember going to bed with the wish of never waking again. I remember feeling the urge to scream my lungs out in my the middle of school. I remember going into the toilet to shed silent tears.

I remember when I did things I regret.

And I remember when it stopped. When the thoughts and feelings ended, when the world was brighter. I had something to live for again.

And I remember when I became truly happy. Happier than I've ever been in my entire life.

Things change. Slowly, but surely, they change.

Just stick around to see it.

Ending the depressive post here.
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11 Comments:

At 4:15 pm, Anonymous ? said...

oh for gods sake joe dont be so god damm dramatic!

 
At 8:51 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Meh, can't help it.


Joe

 
At 3:28 am, Anonymous Laura said...

*hug*

 
At 1:52 pm, Anonymous ? said...

what stuff was it that made you want to kill yourself?

 
At 8:06 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

All the little things.


Joe

 
At 10:16 am, Anonymous ? said...

so why didnt you stop it?

 
At 2:32 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

I did. Hence the happiness.


Joe

 
At 12:37 pm, Anonymous . said...

funny how you are still friends with half the people who did it!

 
At 2:13 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Who did what? You're confusing me anonymous-person-who-really-isn't-so-anonymous-when-you-think-about-it.


Joe

 
At 3:28 pm, Anonymous . said...

well it really isnt that difficult to work out!

 
At 3:38 pm, Anonymous Joe said...

Oh, I see. I'm still friends with half the people that I was with when I was depressed? So you mean that when I dropped some friends I suddenly turned happy? Oh, well it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out does it?

Besides, when did I ever say that my friends are making me depressed?

-Joe

 

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