Sleepwalking my way through life: "Like I swallowed a hamster."



"Like I swallowed a hamster."

I really shouldn't be blogging right now.

Long day, longer night and, lo and behold, emo music spewing from my speakers. I should really close my Lapdancer right now and sit in the dark to wallow in my own self pity. But I feel the sudden and inexplicable urge to write.

Five minutes ago and my fingers would feed you my sorrow.

Five minutes before that they would have brought you my pain.

Five minutes before that they would have carried fury.

Five minutes before that and my fingers would have been coursing with joy.

What will come in five minutes time?

Who knows?

Now, lets drop this cryptic bullshit and move on to the real stuff. I was on the phone to Marie, talking about what we should do tomorrow. I put on (What I think is) a cute and funny voice to make her happy, for she seemed to be in a bad mood. Lets say that I didn't get an ideal response in return. Which caused me to become pretty pissed off and hang up.

And now I feel sick

Now, let us go back even further to this morning.

Now, I'm probably going to get some sort of shit for this, but I really don't care right now. It was during first period, only me Cara and Rooney in the Crush sitting and talking. I cannot remember what I said or how I said it, but Cara came in with;

"You're so annoying by the way."

Well doesn't that just fill me up with a special kind of warm fluffiness. Like I swallowed a hamster.

Like a knife in the fucking stomach

I smiled, shook it off and continued in my apparently annoying ways. I do believe I pissed her off for the rest of the day, for she kept giving me looks at lunch and at break. But I must to blame, 'cause I'm just annoying right?

That's probably an unfair statement, but I don't care right now.

So I continue on through out the day, my self-esteem slightly dented but a smile on my face all the same. I look at my friends during lunch and I sit in silent wonder. Thinking my way through situations.

I see a lot more than I let on

They laugh, they have fun, they throw bottles at people. It's a regular day at Costa del school. Or is it? Something seems a bit different. I just can't put my finger on it.

Everything's different

I go home and put my feet up. For a while everything's good as I save Ascalon from the evil Charr beasts from the North. I laugh with a rabble of people at a good joke, I am congratulated by total strangers as I level up and I will race to the rescue someone I will never know before the final blow is struck. I am happy.

I leave that world to make a phone call that would ruin my night.

Go on, start shouting at me for being sad enough to like a computer game over life. Go on, judge me on my patheticness.

Fuck this. Too many thoughts in my head to write down. I'll sort through them one by one and put them into categories, like different types of cards.

Play two, pick up two

Ignore this god damned post. I never should have started this fucking thing in the first place.
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4 Comments:

At 4:54 pm, Blogger Hendersex said...

Joe mate, bit cryptic there, I feel the need to have a chat with you, well with a lot of people actually. Everyone sems so down these days....why?

Everyone, talk about your problems, get them out, youll appreciate it more in the long run.

 
At 5:14 pm, Blogger Toni said...

Hi Joe, your this post blog came up when I was looking for info on baldness for a family member. He was impressed with your blog and has started his own site at baldness, thanks for the inspiration that you have provided.

 
At 8:27 pm, Blogger Insane.Dilusional.Me said...

Ok
You weren't to blame for what I said. Its nothing to do with you.
You say you know more than we let on, but you don't know me. And you don't know what went on with me that day.

 
At 9:31 pm, Blogger Joe said...

I had a bad day. Like I said, you should disregard this blog.

Sorry for any inconvienience.


Joe

 

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