Sleepwalking my way through life: "A whole lot of shit comes out."



"A whole lot of shit comes out."

I'm sacrificing sleep for this post, so I'd better make it good.

Or at least decent.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm in a very thoughtful mood right now and I suppose I should vent them before I try to sleep but fail since I have so many things floating about in my head.

The days are getting darker which is a clear cut sign that winter is approaching. I'm not too sure about winter anymore to tell the truth. I used to love it. I quite liked the idea of coming home and turning on a light to see the room. I liked the way the central heating welcomed me as I stepped through the door, melting the icicles off my ears. I liked the snow.

But now? I'm not so sure.

Maybe it's because winter has only just begun. My thoughts are still lingering on the summer months (In my mind, autumn doesn't exist) and perhaps that's why I'm not welcoming the cold weather. I know that I'm not welcoming the recent downfall of rain. Every drop threatens to ruin my look and worsen my day. I know, how incredibly superficial of me to base my looks on a good day/bad day situation. But it's true.

A friend once asked me why I straightened my hair every day. My response was so I could look good. So he asked me what would happen if my hair was all curly and afro-like the way it used to me. I would have a bad day.

My self-confidence and self-esteem would lower dramatically. I'd focus a lot more on my English accent and how people can't understand me when I say certain things. I slur more words than usual. I hunch more. I don't make eye contact. Ecetera ecetera.

Shit.

I'm going to go now before I delve deeper into my self-hating thoughts. I shouldn't really write when I'm tired. A whole lot of shit comes out.

And I haven't even done my English homework yet.

Ah crap.
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