Sleepwalking my way through life: "How emo of me."

"How emo of me."



Friday afternoons. I usually sit on the benches in the Crush, music in my ear, notepad on my lap and a pen on my fingertips. Apart from the occasional body that passes through on the way to the john, I am alone.

But not today.

I've borrowed Laura's password for the school computer and I sit on the internet, bored as fuck. The library is warm, almost stiflingly so, and in the background I listen to Ramsay drawl on about Scottish politics. The combination is almost sending me to sleep, so I apologise if this Blog begins to slide into the philosophical babble that I usually give when tired.

Last night, I spent a good chunk of my time alone in my bed, in the dark and waiting for the phone to ring.

How emo of me.

Marie had texted me about twenty minutes earlier, saying that she was going to call me.

"Wow, that sounds pretty serious." I replied.

"Yeah. I really need to talk to you about something."

"Ok. Excuse me while I stop texting so I can figure out what I've done wrong."

"No no no no..." She replied. "Not you."

Ah shit.

And so I waited. My room was dark and cold, the open window bringing in a slight chill. I stared at the phone silently, challenging it to ring.

And it did.

Ten minutes later I had hung up. She had told me what had happened, and I had given her ten minutes for me to make my decision.

The day before last, she went out for the day with one of her school friends, Robbie. I had thought this was a great idea, seeing how she had barely seen any of her friends since she left school at the end of summer. So I was encouraging her to go along and have lots of fun.

Bad management choice.

She told me that he had kissed her. And she felt so bad about it that she had to tell me. She felt bad about betraying my trust, and she was worried about what was going to happen.

And so I gave her ten minutes. I needed to think about things. Most of them involved kicking Robbie faceless, but not all of them.

When I found out that my dad had cheated on my mum, causing them to split up all those years ago, I decided that I had a merciless policy on cheating. Anyone who had cheated on someone, I automatically disliked.

For instance, Benn. Maddy's ex-boyfriend was a really fantastic guy. He was really funny and great to be around, but then he kissed another girl. And now every time he's mentioned I make some comment on seeing what his insides are like.

Based on this, we can safely theorise that it would be the same with Marie. I would have told her it was over and hung up, with a lingering feeling of resentment.

Putting theory into practice however, isn't as easy as it seems.

I came to a decision and texted her to call me back.

"Joe, I am so sorry. Please, just give me another chance. Please."

"Marie, really really like you, a lot, but I can't forgive you for what you did."

I could hear her begin to cry on the otherside of the phone, incoherent babbling coming through to my end. I could feel my insides break.

"Please don't cry. It's alright."

She hung up on me. I laid on my bed, terrified abbot what was going to happen. A few minutes later my phone began to vibrate again, and I picked it up.

And we sorted everything out.

Everything's great.


I am still seething about the kiss, but I can let it go. I must really like this girl.

I'd better leave you now, the bell is about to go and I only have one period of English left before I'm home free for the day. Thank God for that.
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At 4:43 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Joe its Heather just saying that although she did a complete arse like thing, she makes you happy and the fact she told you about straight away is a sign she regets it. Try to forget about it because i know you really like her.

Heather xx

At 3:40 am, Blogger Jules said...

Sorry about it Joe, hope everything's sorted out now.

At 2:23 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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