Sleepwalking my way through life: "Stick that up your ass Cloud Strife."



"Stick that up your ass Cloud Strife."

Stand back people, I feel a rant coming on.

Subject of rant - Final Fantasy

Final Fantasy. The two words in conjunction would bring a spark to the eye of any gamer who has ever played the series. With thirteen official games (Two more in prouction), an anime series, a movie (One more in production) and countless numbers of fanfiction, art and games.

I love the series, but that is not the point of this rant.

After watching the E3 trailer for Final Fantasy VII again I started thinking about things. About how Squaresoft was focusing on FFVII a lot more these days. And then it hit me.

Squaresoft was no longer Squaresoft. After the ill fated Final Fantasy: Spirits Within, Squaresoft found themselves in a difficult financial situation. The film had failed to bring the profits needed to keep it afloat, so Squaresoft retired their SquarePictures unit (Only using it once after to create The Final Flight of the Osiris for the Animatrix). This is where Enix comes in. Enix bought in on half of Squaresoft and changed its name to Square Enix.

This is where the big changes began.

Squaresoft had made Final Fantasies one through nine (Including Tactics) and Square Enix took over after that. They made the moderately successful Kingdom Hearts and the hugely successful Final Fantasy X. However, FFX only succeded because it was a Final Fantasy. And although it had fantastic graphics and a decent storyline, it wasn't too well recieved among gamers.

But Square Enix, drunk on the sales figures of FFX, decided to make FFX-2. This game is , in my opinion, a crime against all things Final Fantasy. It has the same graphics and characters to the previous game, but it's lost all of its soul. Square Enix gave it a pop-culture feel, hoping that it would appeal to a much larger demographic. Alternate endings? Piss off.

It succeded, but it the sales didn't go nearly as high as FFX.

After that they made the little known FFXI. An MMORPG that includes a fantastic storyline, but it is little known to the masses.

And so we arrive on the obsession of FFVII. FFVII was widely regarded as the best game ever, being the first Final Fantasy in 3D. Square Enix have decided to suck on this fandom and create on the basis on FFVII.

They've got the poor mobile phone game Before Crisis, the feaure length film Advent Children, the spin off game Derge of Cerebus and finally, the remake of FFVII with better graphics.

Fuck I hate it.

I see the point in making a feature film, that's ok with me, but why the other two games? Before Crisis is poor in gameplay, graphics and story by only throwing in a few refernces to Cloud and the gang while focusing on the other group. And Derge of Cerebus is supposed to be a shoot-em-up staring Vincent. A FF shoot-em-up? I'd rather shoot myself thank you.

Now, about the remake of the original Final Fantasy VII. What is the point? Yes, it will have the story lines, the side-quests, the characters, the battles. But they're going to fuck it up with crappy voice acting and stuff like that.

What is the point of making it better looking? It may improve the experience, but only slightly. Maybe it's because of all the freaks out there who like to jack off to Tifas polygon chest in that scene before disk three. But now you can see her tits totally naked in amazing graphics too!

Alan almost had an orgasm when he saw the trailer for the first time. Sure, I was excited too, but I still didn't make noises like that.

Anyway, thank you Square Enix for selling out one of the greatest games of all time.

Stick that up your ass Cloud Strife.
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