Sleepwalking my way through life: "<em>Hmm</em>, I thought."

"Hmm, I thought."

Lets begin again shall we?

After work on Friday I did my usual dash for the early train and managed to jump on just before the doors were closing. Thank God there were still some seats vacant, I would have died if there weren't any left. I arrived home in plenty of time to get ready for the Key that night.

When I was getting ready I watched the first episode of Read or Die. It's pretty good to be honest. The animation isn't really smooth, but the story's good, and the characters and stuff. But I still need to watch the other two episodes.

So I headed up to the Key with Laura and Maddy. It was fun. We spent a good chunk of our time there on the computers. I was busy checking up on my forums and blogs while Maddy was on MSN talking to some people. At one point in the night me and Gary decided to have some fun. While Gary grabbed Maddy's arms and held her at bay, I typed in "I want to sex you up." to some random person in a conversation. I was about to write more, but someone came up to us.

"What's going on here?" He asked while looking from me to Gary to the captive Maddy.

"I.. uh... She's having cyber sex!" I shouted, pointing at Maddy.

"Oh my god that is so disgusting I'm never going to be able to sit at that computer again and we're gonna have to burn the chair too why couldn't you have used the bucket in the corner over there or something now I'm gonna go be sick ugh and I bet the guy on the other end is jacking off too oh no now I'm really gonna be sick..."

His loud rantings actually got the attention of someone who actually works at the Key. So they came over and actually read Maddys conversation to see if she was having cyber sex. I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing.

"So who wrote this?" The worker asked, pointing at "I want to sex you up."

Maddy pointed her finger at me. "Him!"

I threw my hands up in innocence.

"It can't be him," the worker exclaimed, "Have you heard his second name? He's too posh to write something like that."

"Damn straight." I replied. I skidaddled out of there after that seeing as how Maddy was giving me the glare of death.

Not much happened for the rest of the night.

On Saturday I went into Glasgow. I had asked mum if I could go to the Cathouse, and she had said yes. So I was excited about that. We hung about in Pizza Hut for four hours though. It took us ages to get a table for six (Me, Maddy, Laura, Alan, Oli and Liam) and ages to get served. But by the time we finished it was time to queue up for the Cathouse, so it was pretty good timing.

It took us about twenty minutes to get in, but when we were in the queue I got quite a fright. I was standing with my hands in my pockets when someone randomly hugged me from behind.


"Heya!" Heather said as I turned around, the other Heather, not Heather Heather.

"Oh hi! How've you been?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"I haven't spoken to you in ages."

"Yeah! Where the fuck have you been?"

"My computer's buggered right now so I can't get on the net."


"But I should be on in the next few weeks or so."

"Good. Oh, Ross and [Insert name I've forgotten] are waiting for me. See ya!"


When I turned back I saw Laura giggling at me. She knows that I like Heather so she decided to give some input.

"You should pull her when we're inside!"

"I don't know if she's even going into the-"

"Seriously! All you have to do is one of your massages and you're in there! Just a small one though."

"Meh." I said.

Hmm, I thought.

We went inside and met up with Emma and Dan. Then for about an hour I did nothing. I didn't dance, I didn't sing, all I did was stand at the side and drink water. Partay animal or what? At one point Emma decided to have a go at convincing me to dance.

"Do you remember what I said to you last Hallow'een?"

I vaguely remembered her telling me that if I didn't dance then she would kick me in the balls. I nodded slightly.

"The same thing applies here as well."

And so I danced. But only for a few seconds before I felt like a twit and stood at the side again.

But with about an hour to go I started dancing. I thought I was kinda ruining it for everyone since I looked like I was glum, so I decided to dance. Before I knew it I was singing along too. Then I was screaming along.

And it was so. Much. Fucking. Fun.

I just lost myself. I was screaming, jumping, and just having fun. And then Cute without the E came on. Oh my fucking God, I went mental. Jumping, dancing, screaming my lungs out. It was just fun. Near the end I was trying to convince people to start dancing again, the same people who wanted me to dance in the first place.

I left early with Laura because I had to get an earlier train coming home otherwise mum would get angry at me. When I got onto the train I was deaf and hoarse. I could barely have a conversation with Laura on the way up. We bought some food and drink, paused to watch an old-ish man dance on the pavement with his trousers down (I had a flash of the man from the Simpsons when I saw him), and got onto the train. Then we just sat and talked for ages. I can't remember what it was about, but we talked a lot.

Near the end of the journey Scott, one of my old friends from Drama, sat down across from us and we started talking. It was fun. I was asking how life was working with an agent and he told me of all the plays he'd been in. He'd even got an extra part on Taggart and as a result of that got an audition for a film. But they said he was too tall so he wasn't for him. Still, it's pretty impressive.

We got off the train at the last stop and we said our goodbyes and he walked off while me and Laura waited for a lift.

"Joe, is Scott gay?"

"As the day is long. How'd you figure?"

"The way he spoke."

True enough, he did speak very effeminate. He is actually gay, and I thought it was funny that Laura figured it out really quickly, especially since he wanted to keep it under wraps.

On Sunday I didn't do much. Mostly cleaning about the house and doing chores and whatnot. Not very exciting.

On Monday I was swamped with work. I barely had enough time to type up an update. But when I did type it up Promap had an error and caused all my windows to close. Meaning I lost all of the post. That didn't leave me in a very good mood. Add to the fact that I had the beginnings of a cold coming on you can safely assume that it wasn't a particularly good day.

To cheer myself up I decided to buy Trigun Volume two. It's pretty good, but a bit confusing...

Tuesday. Now there was an odd day. My exam results were going through, and I was nervous as hell, as you can read earlier. The day dragged on slowly as I desperately waited for four o'clock to arrive. The day even got longer when I received texts of my friends results. And I had a lot of work piled onto me as well, but I did them slowly and with no effort.

Four o'clock finally rolled around and I breathed a sigh of relief as I jumped out the office. I ran as fast as I could towards the train station in an attempt to catch a really early train. However I had just missed it so I had to walk around until the next train came, which I almost missed because I wasn't looking at the time.

When I arrived at the train station I had this overwhelming feeling of dread. My results were at home, and I didn't want to open them. I knew I had failed everything and I didn't want to confirm that knowledge. When I got in I didn't open it for ten minutes. I sat on the couch drinking an Irn Bru, completely ignoring the white letter on the table. But I cracked.

When I saw my results I sat on the couch for about twenty minutes doing nothing. I must have been in shock, or perhaps the feeling of dread hadn't dissipated yet. But then my thought kicked in. Is this it? Is this all you were worried about? Yeah ok, what next? What do you do now?

Mum came in soon afterwards, and we decided to celebrate by getting pizza for dinner. After I was full enough I suddenly started getting a lot happier about my marks and what it meant. I could choose any subject I want for next year (Within reason). So I could piss about or be serious.

But I still needed to decide what subjects I wanted to take.

The next day was horrible. My cold had finally reached its peak and I was suffering badly. My head was throbbing, my eyes were streaming, my throat was murder and my nose was constantly running. And to top it off they piled so much work onto me. I was literally snowed under with everything they gave me. And the day was even slower than the previous one.

But thank God it cleared up by the time I was walking home. Though something odd did happen when I was about to reach the zig-zag path.

I was merely walking along when I felt a sneeze coming on, so I covered my mouth as I did so. My hand was slightly wet, so I was about to wipe it on my shirt when I saw red. There was blood splattered all over my palm. It was then that I noticed the red hot liquid that was dripping from my nose.

I was having a nose bleed.

Luckily I had a packet of tissues that I bought that morning. But the blood was running so fast that each tissue only lasted a minute of so before becoming soaked in blood. I eventually ran out so I had to catch it all in my hands as I walked quickly up the road to my house. It stopped just as I reached the end of the path and where a main road is. People were looking out of their car windows at me and staring.

That bad huh?

I got into the house and went upstairs to clean up, but I saw Chris searching about his room.


"Hey. Have you seen my wallet? I'm sure it was around here somewhe- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!" He exclaimed, looking at my face.

"Yeah, I had a nose bleed. Does it look bad?"

"Looks like you've been in a fight and-"

"And won."

"You WERE in a fight?!"

"No, I'm just kidding."

I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Chris was right, it did look as though I had been in a fight. My nose and mouth were covered in blood with my chin having some smudged on. You could only see a few patches of skin on my hands, and my white t-shirt was covered in splatters.

I changed out of my clothes and Chris went out to Morrisons to get some booze for his friends that were coming over that night. I decided to iron my black trousers for work seeing as the ones I was wearing at the time were about two inches too wide for me. When I wore them I usually found my underwear at my chest with my trousers at my knees.

A painful exaggeration, I know.

Halfway through that I got a phone call from Maddy. She and Laura were delivering papers for Jeff again and she was wondering if they could come round mine for a bit to hang out since my mum was out. So I said yes, and we did. We just sat around and talked about exams and school and music and other stuff that's slipped my memory. They had to go after a while seeing as how they still had papers to deliver.

By then Chris had arrived home with his friends so I was banished to upstairs. It wasn't bad though because I got to finish my Read or Die DVD. It's actually really good. Really really good in fact. Very short, but very good. I need to watch it again sometime.

At about nine I got another phone call from Maddy. They had finished delivering their papers and they wondered if they could come round for a little longer. So they came round and we did more talking and more music-listening. They couldn't stay for long though, I had to get up early for work the next day and they had to be home by a certain time, so they left at about quarter to ten.

And today has been a very good day. Not only has it been relaxing and warm but I have little to no work to do. Meaning I can sit on here and type this mother fucking long post. But I must come off this soon. I need to write emails to people.

And bad news. My dad might not be paying for half my laptop. I sent him the link of the laptop I wanted (It's perfect) and he replied by asking if I'm going to divide the price up. Meaning how much will I pay and how much will he pay. I don't think he knows that mum wants to match his offer and she was going to pay half.

So we have a predicament that must be solved...

But that tale is for another post.

Until next time!
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