Sleepwalking my way through life: "Hell, maybe both!"

"Hell, maybe both!"

Don't you just hate it when some one asks you to volunteer for something?

I mean, it's fine and dandy if you're in a group of people, because there is bound to be at least one person who doesn't want to do it either. But I really hate it when some one comes up to me personally and asks me to "volunteer" for something. Especially my supervisor.

I found myself in a predicament yesterday. She walked up to my desk and asked if I was busy or not. "Not really." I replied while secretly praying that I hadn't done anything wrong. Again.

"Well, I'm looking for some volunteers to help us out in accounts. It'll only take around two hours."

Volunteer my ass, she's telling me to do it.

"What will I have to do?"

"Well, stuffing envelopes. I can't put it more glamorously than that."

I frantically searched my brain for a reason not to accept, but I couldn't think of one in the time frame.

"Sure, why not?" I said with what I hoped was a smile on my face and not a grimace.

She walked off and I let out a quick sigh as she gathered her two other captives. Both were girls, one who is quite attractive and who's name I know, the other who I don't know but I'm pretty sure she hates me.

I got up and followed them down to the other end of the office to the accounts section. There we were met by a short man with a goatee who gave me a pile of paper about a foot high and sent me back to my desk. After retrieving the envelopes from the cupboard, I began.

Three hours of mind numbing envelope stuffing later, I sat back and breathed a sigh of relief. I had finished. All four hundred and thirty two (Give or take) envelopes stuffed and ready for transport. I looked at the three foot pile on my desk and thought;

"What the hell do I do with them now?"

I ignored them, had lunch, then continued on with the ever mounting work that I had left from the morning. I soon got an email requesting that I contact a solicitor to order a new plan for a property. I was happy to oblidge, and I opened the file and looked at the contact details for the company. I then opened up outlook and emailed the guy who requested it in the first place.

"There's no email address, so how should I contact them for the plan?"

"There should be a phone number you could call. I would do it myself but I'm swamped with work at the moment."

I read the email, and quickly poke my head up and look over to where he was sitting. He was laid back, one hand scratching his head, the other hand holding a book infront of his squinted eyes. Fucking swamped my fucking ass.

After ten or twenty minutes of courage building I picked up the phone and dialed the number. After a few minutes of ringing a small, quiet voice answered on the other end. I then rambled off the rehearsed speech that I had concocted. After about three or four minutes of talking non-stop she replied, "I'll just put you through, hang on a second."

I slapped my forehead in stupidity. I had rambled off to the fucking secretary.

The actual conversation didn't go too well either. She kept asking if there was an order number, and I kept saying that I was looking at a database and not an application form. After about five minutes she found the property and we sorted everything out in the end. But I felt so embarrassed about it, so I buried myself in the - still growing - pile of work I had.

The envelopes were still on my desk and I only had an hour to go before I left. So I gathered more courage and headed over to see the short, goateed man. I walked up to his desk and said;

"Look, I have a tonne of envelopes on the desk and no idea what to do with them."

He laughed. "How many have you got?"

"Around three hundred are DX and just over a hundred are Royal Mail."

"The DX go straight into the white sack by the mail room over there. " He pointed, "But you're going to have to stamp the royal mail ones."

"And how do I do that?"

He laughed again and led me over to this odd machine. I had to weigh the envelopes and put them through the machine so they could get stamped. He showed me once and then he left me to it. I went through the pile in record time and put them into the mail bag to be posted before returning back to my desk. About twenty minutes later my supervisor came to me.

"Hi there-"

Fuck, what did I do now?

"-I need you to help me out again. All of these envelopes," she said as she put a large pile of envelopes on my desk, "need restamping. Someone has obviously made and error on the machine because the stamps shouldn't say 'invalid' on them."

I looked at the pile of envelopes and had to stifle a gasp. They were my envelopes. All one hundred plus of my envelopes had the invalid stamp on them.

"It's a good thing I had a letter to post, otherwise these would have been sent back to us. So, could you restamp them for me?" She said with a smile.

"Yeah... Sure."

She showed me how to use it again, I had forgotten to say whether it was first or second class, so it came out invalid. Since the machine couldn't print over it's own ink I had cover the invalid marks with a label and run it through again.

Fifteen minutes later I had finished labeling them and I was moving on to restamping them. When I was in the midst of labeling them someone came up who wanted to use the machine.

"Can I use this?"

"Sure, I won't be done for a while."

"What are you doing?"

"Labeling all these envelopes."

"Oh, you invalid tyrant. How many do you have to do?"

"Over a hundred."

She winced.

"I know, and I'm supposed to leave in..." I check my watch, "ten minutes."

"Ouch. I suppose it'll teach you not to day dream during work. You were day dreaming right?"

"I was half a world away," I lied. I didn't want her to know it was incompetence that made me mess up this time.

"I'm done now. Good luck with that."


I sped through the stamping, making sure that I got it all right while still going really fast. I finished in the nick of time, dumped them into the mail bag and ran out of the office before my supervisor thought up more stuff to keep me in on.

I was late to the train station, so I missed the early train, but I got on the express train fine and found a seat up the front. It was really warm so I opened the windows and took off my jacket. My cd player happened to be in one of its moods so I couldn't listen to music, so I took out my writing pad, wrote the title "Bunnies, red roses" and began to write.

Someone shook me and I awoke from my sleep. He said that I was at the last stop so I had to get off. Rubbing my eyes, I realised that I had fallen asleep sometime in the journey. My pen was still in my hand as was my pad still on my lap. The top of the pad had a few lines of text before a long squiggly line scored through it. Obviously where I went to sleep.

I stumbled off the train and headed home.

Mum got a phone call at about half eight. The man who's fixing our computer had some news for us. She stayed on the phone for about ten minutes before talking to me and Chris with a somber face.

"Boys," she began, "The computer is dead."


"It was the battery, it's just ran down."

"But... How?"

"Old age."

She went on to tell us the good news. Apparently she can get us brand new high-spec laptops off of the technical guy for a really cheap price. She even says that he might be able to transfer a few of the more... precious data from the old pc. For example, my pictures and Fullmetal Alchemist.

So it's all good.

Also I heard mum talking on the phone with my aunt. She was telling her what was happening with the pc when I tuned in.

"It doesn't matter anyway since the boys are buying laptops for themselves. And their dad is going to pay for half of them, meaning I have to match up the other half. So really we're paying for their laptops... I suppose it's alright seeing how we're getting them cheap and all."

"We don't have to pay for our laptops?"

"Ah crap he heard me."

So it's all really good.

Not much has happened today, but since discovering that I don't need to keep so much money away for my laptop I can spend a lot more. So after work I'm heading down to Forbidden Planet and I'm either going to buy Manga or an anime DVD.

Hell, maybe both!
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