Sleepwalking my way through life: "Ass all the way."



"Ass all the way."

I have been without work for the past forty five minutes. I've been sitting here writing emails, reading webcomics, listening to music and reading about peoples lives.

God I love this job.

Time to tell the tale of my weekend. Gather round good readers, and hear a tale that will bore your very soul.

...

Ah fuck I jynxed it. Now I've got work to do.

Done. Now, my weekend....

On Friday I escaped form the office at my usual time, but I was lightly annoyed because my supervisor wasn't in that day and I needed a form signed to make sure I would get paid for my weeks work. Luckily I didn't have to fax it in until Monday, so I wasn't too bothered.
My train left at quarter past five, so I only had forty five minutes to get my cd and get back to the train station to get home. I also needed some new earphones to listen with seeing as my old ones are now broken.
So I walked at a fast pace, my feet burning within my shoes, and reached the shop that I was going to buy my cd from. I went up and used the money I got out at lunch to buy it (Brand New - Deja Entendu) but I didn't have enough for earphones. So I took a tenner out of my account accompanied by a receipt. I always rip up my receipt after I get it so no one else knows what's in my account. So I pulled the slip of paper form my pocket, ripped it up and threw it in the bin before heading up to HMV to get some earphones. I found a good pair with a band that goes round the back of your neck and I proceeded to the counter to buy them. I handed them over to the guy and he said "Five ninety-nine" or something, so I handed him the ten pound note in my pocket. He stared at it for a moment and said "What's this?"
I looked over and saw my bank receipt in his hand.
I frantically searched my pockets and my wallet before letting out an extremely audible "Fuck" which got me a dirty look from an old lady. I had binned the tenner. I had ripped up and binned the fucking tenner. I spotted a bank across the street and asked the guy to wait for a minute. I went across, took out another tenner, bought my earphones and walked extremely fast back down to the train station, wincing with each step.
I jumped onto the train and got home fine and dandy, except I had to sit with my feet in a bucket of cold water for five minutes or so. By the end of it the water was red with blood.
So I changed, had a really quick shower, and then shot out to meet everyone to go to the Key. I was late, so I had to run but luckily I had my cd player and my new cd to keep me company. So I ran down my usual way, but tehre was a large group of NEDs at the bottom of the path, so I decided to take a different route to avoid trouble. The route I had taken was a gentle slope downhill before flat ground all the way to my destination. Perfect for running.
So I raced along, and I saw someone cross at the traffic lights some distance ahead, it looked familiar, especially with the red bag. So I increased my speed to catch up with her. By now my cd was jumping and skipping to such an extent that no music was being played at all, but I didn't care. I was too busy trying to catch up with the girl.
I stopped breathless some way behind her and shouted "LAURA!". She didn't hear me. So I jogged a short distance before shouting again, then "LAURA TURN ROUND YOU STUPID WOMAN!" upon which she turned round with her hands on her hips and a stern look on her face.
Ah well, at least she stopped.
So we talked while walking slowly up to StKennys. My feet were killing me at that point, and my cd player had gone to hell, as it was refusing to play my cd at all. It wouldn't even turn.
Bad things have happened since we last spoke, and I'm not going to put them on here. But lets just say it was bad.
So we met up with Maddy, Jason, and Jeff before heading up to the Key. I haven't seen Maddy in a good few weeks or so, and we talked a lot and did the whole "And how've you been?" thing. It was fun.
We didn't go into the Key right away, we just sat about infront of the Dolan talking about random stuff. We had a good laugh, tellig each other jokes and stuff.
We evntually headed into the Key where I was bored out of my mind. We just walked about and they talked about boys and stuff. We eventually headed to the tunnels where we met up with Fubu, Fro and Rebecca. And it was really freaky, because Fro didn't actually have an afro anymore! He's put his hair into corn rows and dreadlocks at the back. Tis pretty nifty. But I'm still gonna call him Fro. Just because.
Rebecca saw that I was insanely bored just standing there talking, so me and her went for a walk through the centre. And she would not stop talking about her boyfriend. Seriously, no matter how much I tried to steer the conversation my way she dragged it back to how her boyfriend "got up and left her without saying goodbye".
Twas annoying.
I was kinda pissed off at Jason. I know that he was hyper and he didn't really mean it, but he was really getting on my nerves when he wouldn't shut up about me being Emo. Even when I told him I had stopped being one he still continued. So I resolved by calling him a "fucking metal head" everytime he called me Emo. But by the end of the night, for some reason, he started calling me Elmo. And now that's what he calls me everytime I see him.
So i went home in a slightly deflated mood, watched Big brother and went to bed quite early o read Harry Potter until two in the morning.

Dear God that was long. And it was only half a day too.

I had to get up kinda early on Saturday so I could meet everyone to get a train into Glasgow for the day. But when I got up I was so absorbed in San Andreas that I didn't notice the time. Before I knew it I had only half an hour to get ready and I rushed out the house in order to get there on time.
Of course I didn't get there on time and I had to run up to the train station and jump on the train. I sat down with Maddy in a four seater while Jason, Laura and Jeff sat down at the four seater behind me. At the next stop Daniel McKinlay came on and sat beside me, and while him and Maddy talked I listened to Paper House by Foolproof. It is one of my favourite songs ever. I really mean it for this one. I just love it so much, and it's so sad too.

"Please don't go I'm barely breathing
Please don't take one step away
Don't let go (now don't let go)
They're tearing down your paper house again
So please don't go away"
Paper House - Foolproof


Anyway, he left at Pollockshaws West and we went to Central.
We wlaked around for ages and eventually found ourselves in Osiris waiting for Ollie and his friends. We met them, and Ollie left pretty quickly, which is good seeing as I don't like him very much. But two guys called Mick and Nick stayed about for a while, and they were pretty fun to talk to.
But they eventually left and we walked up to Flipp so Jeff could get a new bar for her eye piercing. I saw some guy getting an angel tattoo on his arm, he was a big guy and his face was set hard despite the obvious pain he was in.
I'm still not sure whether to get a tattoo or not... I need to build up my muscles.
So Jeff got her bar while I considered getting myself a scrotum piercing. It's only eight quid when you get any other genital piercing with it. Sounds like a bargain to me...
So we walked about some more, followed a guy and girl who looked exactly like Stewart and Michelle form the last Big Brother. It wasn't them, but we followed them anyway.
After that we went back up to central and met Liam and Fro, talked to them for a bit, talked to Ollie for a bit (Grrr), and talked to Nick for a bit. We were standing there talking to Nick and I heard a voice behind me.
"Joe?"
"Yeah?" I said as I turned around to see them. I was facing this absolutley stunning girl about my height with dark hair and glasses with the most fantastic eyes ever. I squinted a bit at her and said, "Kari?"
"Hi!"
"Wow!" And we hugged. "Long time no... talk to."
"Yeah I know. My computer's broken down at the moment so I can't use MSN."
"Yeah me too. It really sucks."
"So how've you been?"
"Not bad I guess. Working is a bitch. What about you?"
"Lazing about on holiday and stuff. I've got to go now, but it was nice seeing you."
"Yeah, same here. See ya."
Jeez. She was indeed very nice looking. The pictures on her website do not do her justice.
Anyway, where was I?
So after she went off with her friends I forced everyone to go to Dixons so I could by myself a cd player. After Firday I figured that it was broken beyond repair, so I needed a new one. I had taken out sixty quid at the beginning of the day and I was willing to spend fifty on the cd player. I got myself a sexy slim silver thing that's got rechargable batteries and an in-line controller. Sure, it jumps like hell when walking down the street, but I just flip it into jog mode and it works perfectly.
And it's so LOUD.
After I spent forty five punds on it (Thirty five for the cd player, ten for the three year garuntee) me and Jeff headed up to WHSmith to get a drink while the rest went Micky D's to talk to Fro and Liam again.
Me and Jeff didn't really talk about much. She was going on about how she wanted a boyfriend and stuff, then she asked me who I liked. I'd be damned if I'd told her, so I gave her some hazy details and stuff and left it at that. I've learned my lesson this time round.
But she eventually asked this random question.
"Joe, are you an ass man or a boob man?"
"Ass all the way."
"Then why do you keep staring at my chest?"
"I... It's... An ass man isn't bound to just looking at asses, and besides you've got tonnes of cleavage showing. A guy back there almost broke his neck."
She laughed.
"Also," I continued, "it's harder to see a womans ass seeing as you need to look down further, your breasts are only a few inches south of eye level so it's much easier to see."
"I still don't see why your looking."
"They're just there! Don't get me wrong, I'm not perving on you or anything, it's just that... they're boobs! And they're right there!"
She laughed again and we moved onto something else. Twas a funny conversation.
By the time we met up with the rest of them I had to go home, so we walked all the way back up to the train station, I said my goodbyes and off I went.
When i got home I set up my cd player to charge and then watched Troy with mum. It isn't too bad the second time round to be honest.
But by the end of the night I was feeling kinda down. I dunno, I just felt kinda sad.

Funny isn't it. I'm depressed for the two days after I say that I've stopped being an Emo.

Sunday was a lazy day. I spent a chunk of it doing my ironing, then another chunk playing San Andreas, a tiny chunk on reading, and the rest on watching tv and being bored.
I finished Harry Potter on sunday too. But I was really pissed off at my brother. I was sitting there reading when he said;
"How far are you into it?"
"Near the end."
"Oh, have you gotten to the bit where [Insert plot climax here] yet?"
"No... WHAT?!?!"
It was so annoying. But the ending was good, and it was kinda sad. Ah well.

Today I got up on time, had my breakfast and got ready and out the door all in time. I was in a fantastic mood seeing as my cd was blasting in my ears and my hair was being extremely well behaved. It still is for that matter.
So I got some sleep on the train into work and I bought my usual can on the way up to the office. I usually force myself to wait until nine to drink it so it tastes better. But today i didn't drink it. It just sat there until I decided to have it at lunch.
Lunch came and I didn't drink it. I was shocked. I ahd never done that before. Pass up coke when it was freely offered? I was insane!So I decided to leave it until after work. But I just opened it and started drinking.
Ah well, I had a good run.
But I won't have any after work. Well maybe. My brother might have already claimed the bottle for himself. Which isn't bad since I've hijacked the packet of penguins...
I'm evil.

So that was my weekend up to this point, give or take a few deatils.
Jesus. You guys do realise that this has taken me four hours to write? I started this at half ten and now it's half two.

And with that I bare you farewell. I'd better post this already. By the time you finish it I'll have written the post for tomorrow too.
Have a good one.

Eeeew. The coke is warm...
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2 Comments:

At 6:39 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

did u not look 2c it was a tenner u were ripping up u dumb ass emo boy

 
At 4:27 pm, Blogger Joe said...

I typed all of that. ALL OF THAT, and that's the only thing that you can make fun of me for?
Seriously Jen, you're losing it.

Joe

 

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