Sleepwalking my way through life: "And I dislike it."



"And I dislike it."

Cold coke is quite nice. Room temperature coke isn't bad. Warm coke is a crime against nature.

I sit here again with nothing to do but bore you guys by writing another seemingly pointless post about the nothingness of my life. From time to time I may pause writing to check a websites for the billionth time today to see if they've updated at least a tiny bit. I would put on some tunes and entertain myself with music, but no. When it says "twelve hour battery life" in the store, it really means "three hour battery life with hardly effective anti-jog on". I need to reserve my source of entertainment for the dreary ride home where I'm surrounded by big sweaty people who have no idea how to open a damn window.

If you can't tell by now, I'm in a less than perfect mood.

I tried drawing today at lunch. It took me ten minutes to churn out a sketch that was the opposite of my style yet still as crappy. It's another picture of me, leaning against the post inside the train. My head is tilted, I'm looking off screen and I have a content smile on my mouth and eyes. My hair is falling over my left eye, as it is in real life, and my earphones are tighter than they really are as my hair has to be tucked under them. My long sleeved shirt is open revealing a plain shirt underneath and a clear view of my small yet ever present necklace.

And I dislike it.

It's not a bad picture in itself, but it is nothing like I was going for. I look static and 2D. And it looks nothing like the previous pictures of me. It could be that this one is just a closer view, or it could be that I haven't drawn for a while and need more practice.
I had it all figured out. I had a really cool sketch book, I had professional pencils and that's all I needed. I never realised that you actually needed the ability to draw. I have all these images in my head. Hundreds of them piled up one after another. I want to draw them all, and I can even draw them out in my head with shading and effects, but I can't actually draw them. And it really sucks ass.

I haven't even looked at my story yet. I'm afraid that if I look at it then I'll see that it's total crap and bin it. Then there's another story down the drain and I'm back where I was last week. It's annoying.

Crap.
I'm back into the "world sucks" mood again. I don't like this mood 'cause I'm always a jackass when I'm in it.
Before you ask, no, I'm not always in this mood.

I need to check out my bank account before I get on the train this afternoon. I'm not entirely sure if I've been paid last week. But I don't really want to look because then I'll see how much I've over spent. And I really don't want to see how much I've over spent.

The further through summer I get, the less likely it seems that my plan will work out. I'm still not even sure how much Dad'll put towards the laptop. And he puts forward a whole lot less than I expected then that would mean the same for Mum, and then my plans for driving lessons would be down the drain until I can get myself a steady job during school. I might even do what Heather is doing.

She's been working through the summer like I have (Except she started two weeks before), but after her summer job ends she'll continue working with Direct Line for two evenings and a Saturday. That doesn't seem too bad to me, depending on when my periods are in St Andrews, so I might phone up Hudson and ask them to do something like that for me.
I wouldn't even mind coming back to work here. The place is growing on me and I spend most of my time on the internet anyway, which is like my second home.
"We shall see." Said the blind man.

I'm still looking for a good skin for this thing.
I found a pretty decent one with Yoh Asakura in the background, but the blog part was a way over in the corner. And I'm pretty sure it was Java.
There are some really amazing anime ones though. But almost all of them are of girls and stuff. Ah well. I shall search around for the best.

I might actually start learning html. My brother started learnign it in 2000 and now he's a really good at it. People actually search him out on the internet for him to build their sites. I've only seen one or two of them, but they're still amazing.

I'd best be off now. It's close to quitting time and I don't want to miss it to update this blog...

Ciao.
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